degrees & deadlines

I'm officially a college graduate of The University of Texas at Tyler, Class of Fall 2008. Bachelor of Arts in Journalism - Cum Laude, bitches.

I don't think the reality that I never have to take another class again (if I so choose) has yet to sink in. I'll have plenty of deadlines looming over my head from work, so at least I won't have those to miss. And we have deadlines, a plenty.

Speaking of, work is going swimmingly. I very much enjoy my fellow employees and the job is just fun. I write, I design, I lay out, I edit, I photograph, I interview, I meet and greet and smile and have fun. What more could I ask for in a job?

John gets back tomorrow and ICANNOTWAIT. He's been gone since Dec. 5, but it feels like he left a month ago. The time has passed slowly and quickly at the same time. I've had lots to keep me busy, but I do miss his company waysoverymuch, especially when night time rolls around. I'm not so fond of sleeping alone in my new house. But at least I have Oswald to protect me.

Too bad he didn't hear those punks stealing my camera and iPod out of my car last week........They must have been stealth ninjas. Jerks.

It just doesn't feel like Christmas. Anyone else agree?

♥k

(re)sendoff

John left with the band for New York around 1:30 a.m. this morning. Last night. Whatever.

I helped him pack, which helped me hide a surprise in the midst of the shirts and undies. But damn it if he didn't keep trying to take over packing that bag and ruin my fun. NO JOHN, I'LL DO IT. You just sit there and relax! Oh, hidden motives...

I was spouting off a mental checklist and jokingly included, "Got your guitar?" He's going to RECORD AN ALBUM. He was all, oh yeah, they're in the other room - we'll get them. The minutes passed quickly and it was time to roll out. We said our goodbyes and I walked back in from the freezing cold. I wasn't expecting to cry. He's doing what he was born to do. He's doing something that has so much potential to make our life together ever better. But the tears just welled up out of nowhere. Luckily, he didn't see them. I watched them drive away through the blinds and sat down with Oswald to cry.

Not even ten minutes later, the phone rings. "Aw, he's already calling me!" Not so much. Instead: "We forgot the guitars."

♥k

tiny vessels

Yesterday I wore a turtleneck to work. Today I wore a scarf to work. I can hardly tolerate when my hair gets long enough to touch my neck, much less clothing. So there's only one thing this means: a blemish on my neck that screams of my indiscretions.

Why must they be so socially unacceptable? It's just like a bruise, really. Or a blood blister. But it's the story behind the imperfection that's enough to make folks blush.

A longtime friend of mine came over tonight to hang out while John was busy practicing with the band. We decided to go to PetsMart because Oswald needed food. She ended up carrying the bag out for me because that's how she rolls. Then we went to Double Dave's for some pizza rolls. After bickering about who would pay, we finally ordered and I carried our drinks to the table.

We walked to the salad bar together and while waiting on her to get started, I happened to look at the male employees who were looking at us with big grins on their faces.

I was so tired of the stupid scarf from earlier today, I decided to just deal with the embarassment of having a hickey on my neck. And now the male employees at Double Dave's totally have the wrong impression of who put it there.

♥k

muchas gracias

We're finally close enough to moved in that last night we slept at our new house! It feels magnificently wonderful to know that this house is our house and there are no roommates or upstairs or downstairs neighbors where I curse their every move or worry about mine. There's still work to be done. At a house that is mine, I'm assuming there will most always be work to be done. I'm OK with that. I'm ready to garden and clean and keep this house in tip-top shape.

John and I have taken a break from working this morning and decided to turn on the TV. The first channel on was playing The National Dog Show and we've been enthralled for the last hour. Maybe more. At least it's not trashy entertainment on VH1 that we usually enjoy.

Today I'm thankful for my new house, my lovely fiance, my cute puppy, my family and friends; showers and baking and delicious food and the list goes on.

♥k

face the facts

All I want right now is to be done with school. I've been more than unorganized and apathetic through this last semester and it's driving me insane. I'm almost embarassed of the work I turn in, but I can't seem to care.

But here's the kicker: Come January, when it's typically time for school to start back up, I won't know what to do with myself. Sure I'll have a wedding to plan and a job and a house to keep, but I've been doing that this semester. I'm used to being busy. It's comfortable, in a way.

What will I do when I don't have a paper deadline looming over my head? I just might go crazy. I took three summer classes in one session this past summer, and worked at the same time. When it was over, I was definitely relieved, but I had so much free time on my hands, it was just...weird. I've always been that way. Summer was much anticipated and enjoyed, but I was very ready for school again by August. So call me crazy.

It doesn't help that John will be touring most of the coming months, so I really need to come up with some new hobbies. I'm excited to read for fun again. I'll try to pick my knitting back up. I'll have my piano finally, so that will be nice. But, things like that tend to stress me out when I can't do them perfectly. Any suggestions on how you spend your free time off work?

Also, my new kitchen needs a backsplash. I'm pretty excited about this prospective DIY opportunity, but I want to be sure and find the perfect idea. I've come across a few that I like, but I'd love some links if you have any to share.

♥k

the coast is never clear

Flashbacks are few and far between these days, but when it happens, I wish he could understand what it's like. Sometimes I wish it never happened. But I know John wouldn't be in my life now if it hadn't, and that in itself makes up for everything.

Last night, a group of friends were discussing the idea that "everything happens for a reason." I'm a firm believer in that concept. And it's funny that was even discussed last night considering what followed.

Thoughts? Comments?

♥k

the world spins madly on

Packing my belongings has turned into a silent nostalgia.  THE RAD is practicing, so it's far from silent, but I'm in my own world back here.  I found an old notebook full of past posts Mom printed off my Xanga site.  (Talk about old school!)  I couldn't help but read over her selections, wondering what made her print one post over another.  And in looking back, I see that I looked at the world through a completely different lens than I do now.  

As I think about the girl I used to be, I can feel a knot form in my throat.  The knot that we all know far too well.  The knot that means I'm trying to hold back. The knot that knows I used to be more inspired by life.

My life as I know it is changing.  I closed on my first house on Monday.  I graduate from college in four weeks.  I have a job that I love that is a great start to my career.  I get married in six months to a talented, wonderful man.  He's leaving in two weeks to record an album in New York and gear up to spend the months leading up to our wedding on tour.

Over the last five years, I've been waiting for this time in my life.  I've been living for the life I'm about to have.  But it seems that in waiting for now, I've lost part of who I was.  I'd like to think it's just because I'm getting older, but I miss that part of who I was.  I posted on Xanga daily - not necessarily about anything of importance to most people, but I took the time to evaluate my day, my thoughts.  I took the time to notice the little things - little phrases in books that struck me or a line of lyrics that I made sure to write down.  I wasn't afraid of my feelings or my words or what inspired me.

I hate running from home to work to school to work to the house to make dinner to do the dishes to go to sleep and repeat the day again.  I want to be able to take the time out of life to live my life.  Hence, the creation of this blog.  It's about writing.  It's not about the bulletin announcing new tour dates or a youTube video that I robotically click on to pass the time.  I'm doing this for me.  For all that is my future, which couldn't be shining brighter.

♥k