failure is not an option

It's been too long, but I'm choosing to skip the obvious update.

In short: The wedding was wonderful and beautiful and I love my husband.

John is gone for a mini Texas tour this week, which leaves me home alone for the first time in a while. I was sitting on the couch watching some "reality" competition show on television while scanning the internet, but one sentence from one contestant really caught my attention: 

"What would you do if you knew you could not fail?"

It was his explanation of why he dropped his everyday life to be on the show - for his one chance to "make it." It was his dream, so he was doing his part to pursue it. I didn't take long for me to start thinking, what would mine be? And that's when I got sad. Because I don't know.

I used to have so many aspirations that picking one was difficult. So I picked the easy one - writing. It's not to say I don't enjoy my job, because I do. But I'm not sure that writing is my passion. John knows his: music. In fact, he's out there, right this minute, working on pursuing his dream. Although it does mean leaving me behind for now, he is doing the one thing he loves to do, despite the fact that he is terrified of failing, because the chance of true success is worth it, for both of us.

I'm going to keep thinking on this...

While I do, what is your one true dream or goal in life?

♥

kh

an offbeat bride

Throughout my entire wedding planning process, I knew I didn't want to keep to tradition. Who made The Bridal March a tradition? Exactly. I still wanted the white dress and a string quartet and ... well, that's about where it ended. And when I happened upon offbeatbride.com, I was in heaven.

I've proposed some "offbeat" ideas that shocked my mother completely, from the button bouquet, to a tutu'd flower girl. She just doesn't know what to think. It's a fun game we play. I toss out a non-traditional idea and her face contorts into an I'm-trying-to-process-this-in-a-nice-way position and you just don't know what will come out of her mouth.

Needless to say, East Texas isn't the best of places to find vendors that are familiar with bucking traditions. I was hesitant to talk to a florist for many reasons: (a) I don't know flowers (b) flowers can break the bank (c) East Texas florists are set in tradition (d) flowers DIE ... I won't continue. But I called a florist to appease my mother's worry. She met us at the venue, we tossed around lots of ideas and she left. Then we waited on the bid.

The bid has come and I can't be more relieved. Now that Mom sees how expensive traditions can be, she's much more open to my quirky suggestions. Like balloon columns and nametags. I feel relieved in that, by my determination to stay within budget, it's forcing us to get creative. And creativity leads to a personalized, memorable wedding.

Why, that's exactly what I had in mind, thanks.

♥k

because Dooce did it...

DOOCE posted this "meme" about herself & her husband, Jon. Although I've never seen or heard the word "meme," I trust her that it's real. Thus, I will answer about myself & my John.

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What are your middle names?
Karli Elizabeth. John Eric. He has a good, strong, manly name. But can you imagine calling a little baby "John?"

How long have you been together?
March 2007. We're vowing forever on May 23, 2009.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
Actually, John and I share the same birthday week. July 5 and 7, so a mutual friend had a joint birthday party for us in 2006. But you see... I had never met John. We took a picture together with our birthday cake on it that read "Happy Birthday Karli & John!" and that was all I knew about him for another six to eight months.

Who asked whom out?
Said mutual friend did most of the grunt work to get him ask me out. We're both what you call SHY and AWKWARD. I remember a few AIM conversations and myspace bulletins dancing around the subject and then it finally happened.

How old are each of you?
I turned 21 this year. John, 23. We both seem older because we are happy and settled. It's a good thing.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
I see my sister at least once a week. We see his sister once every few months.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
His passion is music. He is THE most talented musician I know and more than anything, I want him to pursue his dreams and be successful, but the life of a musician's wife is not an easy one. Not because I can't trust him - that's far from the problem. It's hard on me just because I miss the pants out of him. A close second situation is posed by my desire to keep all emotions in, but I'm trying to be better.

Did you go to the same school?
I graduated from All Saints. John, from Mabank High School. He attended TVCC, TJC and UT Tyler. I attended TCU, Lake Forest and UT Tyler. I graduated from UT Tyler in December. He has yet to finish. (Goes back to that whole music thing.) I win!

Are you from the same home town?
I grew up in Chandler. John, in Tool. Yes - Tool, Texas. It's real. Both are small, East Texas towns. It's a wonder we are who we are because of that.

Who is smarter?
John can listen to a song and tell you more than you ever wanted to know about the instruments, how it was produced, blah blah blah. I don't even know what all he can tell you. But school ... not his forté. Me? I love school. I miss it a tiny smidge. It just always came easy to me.

Who is the most sensitive?
I'm sensitive about weird, random things, like why didn't insert name like my dessert?! As far as our relationship goes, John takes the cake on sensitivity.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
We used to love Olive Garden, but that's another entry for another day. We've recently made it a point to eat local. Our most favorite restaurant is Villa Montez. It's delicously delightful Latin food at a fabulous price.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Together, we've traveled Texas. That horrendous attempt-of-a-camping-trip to central Texas... That's another story, too. I went to Mexico soon after we started dating, but it was too soon to invite him. In retrospect, I wish I would have.

Who has the craziest exes?
John doesn't have any exes, per se. Ex-interests, but none too crazy. My exes aren't particularly crazy, either. One is just a bad person on whom I wasted far too much time and emotion.

Who has the worst temper?
John is one of the most laid back men that I know; however, when his switch gets flipped, it's ooonnnnn. I've only triggered the flip of that switch a handful of times, and no me gusta.

Who does the cooking?
I seem to have taken over that department. When we first started dating, he was all about cooking. He made turkey burgers, yummy potatoes, fish, salsa... I wonder what happened.

Who is the neat-freak?
Because her answer fits perfectly...
DOOCE: "Let's just put it this way: I am a much nicer person when he puts away his socks."

Who is more stubborn?
Sadly, me. I didn't realized this until recently.

Who hogs the bed?
JOHN! I remember specifically waking up last night and realizing the tiny sliver of the bed to which I still laid claim. I asked in my sweet, sleepy voice for him to please move over. Then he gave me another inch.

Who wakes up earlier?
I have to be at work every morning early in the morning, and because of that, I can't even sleep in on weekends. However, this early bird gets to wake up and see 6'3" John stretched out, arms spread, mouth agape, relishing in his morning slumber. It's one of my favorite parts about the morning. He's just too cute.

Where was your first date?
He came to my apartment, STRANGER THAN FICTION in hand. I had cookies in the oven to bake, but forgot about them and my cute apartment smelled like burnt cookies upon his arrival.

Who is more jealous?
Seeing as John is in a band that attracts masses of girls, I say I do very well to keep jealousy at bay. Although most of them are underage, there have been a few to bring it out of me. I trust John with all my heart, it's the girls that worry me. Girls can be manipulative tricks.

How long did it take to get serious?
I never dated for the sake of dating, and neither did he. Three months in, I knew he was a keeper.

Who eats more?
I require breakfast, lunch and dinner. Miss any of the three and, well....I don't. I get too irritable. For this reason, I keep snacks around always. But John, on the other hand, never eats breakfast and is fine with a late lunch. He can also sit down with a bag of chips and bowl of salsa and down it within a half hour. He does better these days, but it's still a bad habit.

Who does the laundry?
Me me MEEEE! I'm particular about what gets washed with what, what gets dried and what doesn't. So, yes, I do the laundry. It helps that I don't mind it. I like folding clothes.

Who's better with the computer?
For me, a computer is a music library and communication device. For John, his computer is for recording, gaming and so much more.

Who drives when you are together?
Living in East Texas, driving is an integral part of daily life. We both drive alot, often. But when together, we alternate pretty evenly, Mostly, I prefer him to drive - unless I need to get somewhere specific, quickly. Then I take the reins.

♥k

target who?

Homelessness is a serious problem. Period, the end, no question about it.
I do not in any way intend to make light of a serious problem.

However....
Today at work I received an email:
"ARE YOU HOMELESS?
If so, we need YOU to participate in a survey...
Each participant will receive a meal, a free goodie bag full of hygiene products and more..."

You get the picture.

I laughed out loud. Because why the heck would you send out an email if your target is homeless? I didn't get it. I still don't.

Do you?

♥k

debut the kayak

The new BSCENE Magazine hit the racks today. It's smaller, it's thicker, it's pretty and it's chock full of editorial content written by yours truly. We logged countless hours on this particular issue because of all the changes. A mere three days before press time, we were at the office around 60 hours. We worked, ordered in food, worked more and went home to sleep a few hours only to repeat the process. Deadline day, we spent a straight 23 hours on final corrections.

My secret? I loved it. I love trying to catch each and every mistake and seeing the magazine transform from a sea of ads to something we're proud of. The owner said she didn't remember the last time she was actually excited to debut a new issue. I love being part of something that generates excitement and the people are truly fun to work with.

I only wish there was a little more comfort in the paychecks. With the status quo around here, more would be nice. I guess more would always be nice... But it's better to love your job.

As the saying goes, you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

♥k