forward's the only way to go

Since I can remember, I've been easily influenced by outside people and forces. John could tell me I'm beautiful and talented each day, every day, multiple times a day. But if I were to see or hear one source say otherwise, all his work of building me up would be crushed in an instant.

A good, real example comes to mind: As each school year came to a close, my teacher(s) would always say how important the materials were and how hard the next year was going to be. I would get a gut-twisting, sinking feeling ... How am I going to do that? I can't handle writing a FIVE-PARAGRAPH paper! ...(five years later)... In SPANISH! But then summer would pass, the new year would begin and I would find my stride and excel with truly little struggle at all.

Another example: I landed an interview with a huge PR firm in Austin just before we moved. I looked them up, read up on the position and convinced myself I wasn't qualified. Then I went to the interview, hit it off incredibly well and ended up being told they felt I was overqualified and would get bored with the job.

So how is it that I still lack confidence in myself? I can self-doubt my way with the best of them, despite my accomplishments thus far.

Here's the thing. With school, the coming year was inevitable. Unstoppable. I had to learn to deal with it because the work was coming no matter what. But now? As an adult - I actually have to step out and make things happen for myself. I have to become a doer. And being a doer isn't so easy for a self-doubter who will find and focus on every possible tiny negative, somehow overlooking the glaringly obvious positive.

I guess, all this to say. I have a lot on my mind. Ideas. Dreams. Goals. I definitely have the best support any person could ask for, but still I doubt myself. How is it you find the courage to make your dreams a reality?

♥

kh